Psalm 23It was not an easy day at work. Tonight was fellowship night, with worship in music and doing devotions about living feverently for God.
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I thank God that in these circumstances, He reminded me of how great and mighty He is, as our small group prepared the devotion material... I got to be reminded of the truth about God through Pastor Francis Chan. God has this crazy love for us, that he would cleanse us of our sins by dying on the cross for us. Why are some of us today choosing to follow Him only because we think we can get what we want? Why are we not simply laying down all the things that we deem more important than him, and simply follow him because we are worth it?
I thank Him because although our baby has such a grim condition, my fear is not only for the baby's health, but also for my spiritual health - I feared that I would lose faith in God, that I would blame God, that I would choose my own ways to deal with my grief. And surprisingly, I did not have these feelings... maybe it was because I previously experienced what it was like to walk on my own without God, and it was the darkest days of my life - I realised that that was my biggest fear. And I need to know that no matter what circumstances or season of life I am in, God is worth following.
On our way home after work, before fellowship, DY showed me a testimony of a mother whose baby had cystic hygroma as well, and her journey of faith. She taught us to dare to ask God for healing, to hold on to God's promises, to remember that God loves us - that God loves the life that is growing inside me. As I read, DY and I could not hold back our tears.
Both DY and I have come to believe, deep in our hearts, that regardless of what happens, that God has the best for us. As human beings, we are limited in our knowledge, wisdom and foresight. We cannot fathom or fully understand the many reasons that God has for the way things have happened. If we miscarry, our baby returns to heaven sooner, where there is no weeping, no hurting, no pain. Being born is a miracle in and of itself. If we are able to carry our baby to term, but the little one has defects, then providing the special care and abundant love that he/she deserves is what we need to do, and we know full well that God will look after our child and our child will grow strong in God's love. If God takes away the cystic hygroma, then alleluia for this miracle and may more people come to know God through our miracle.
Despite our decision, we still ached for our child. We did not realise how much we actually love this unborn special being that's growing inside me, until we learned that we might lose him/her. We decided to share our news with our fellowship, because that is where our family is, people who have lavished us with their love and support, especially throughout the past year as they witnessed our marriage, and now our baby. Our brothers and sisters laid hands on us and DYu prayed for us. We asked for God's peace, mercy and healing.
That night, DY reminded me of the Desert Song. Truly we are in weakness, trial, pain and battle, and truly, God promised that no weapon/enemy can stand against us, that we are as precious to Him as His one and only Son, Jesus, that no matter the season of our lives, God is with us, in the hills and valleys of our lives. Therefore, we shall continue to rejoice in our suffering.
The Desert Song
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
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