Hide me in Your love - Feb 5th

It's been a while since we updated you all about our Bubbles. 

Last Thursday's ultrasound confirmed that Bubbles has poor mineralization in the lower spine and limbs. All limbs are shorter than 50th percentile, the thorax (rib cage) appears narrow. The cystic hygroma has grown to 26mm, with fluid now surrounding the abdomen under the skin. Bubbles has general edema (puffiness) all over the body. The situation is appearing worse than before.

This means Bubbles' cystic hygroma is secondary to a certain type of genetic skeletal disorder. Our genetic counsellor explained that Bubble's skeletal disorder could be due to a recessive genetic mutation passed on from both me and DY, or a genetic mutation that was spontaneous and random. This skeletal disorder is likely fatal - the bones are not forming the way they should be, and with the thorax being narrow, Bubbles' lungs would not develop properly - even if Bubbles survives this pregnancy, survival after birth is highly unlikely because the lungs will not function well.

The worst thing I heard during this ultrasound is that I might lose Bubbles in a week, two weeks, maybe three weeks. The high risk radiologist apologised to us, and stated that there is hope for the next baby as this situation is rare. I was angry because I did not want to think about the next one. Bubbles is still here, with the heart beating, inside of me. I cannot move on to think about the next one when this one isn't over.

That night, my heart ached so much. I felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. I could not grasp how close we may be to losing our Bubbles. I could not believe that I may not get to hold my first child, kiss my first child, feed my first child, bathe my first child with my husband. I felt so powerless. There was nothing I could do to help my baby.

Before we slept, DY and I prayed, asking God to comfort us, to heal our broken hearts... asking God to quiet our doubts with His love and strengthen us in our weakness.

Still - Hillsongs

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand 

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and
know You are God 

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust 

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the stormFather You are King over the floodI will be still andknow You are God