Refocusing

誰造 
誰造綠草蝶撲花間起舞， (He who made the green grass and butterflies,)
萬鳥空中飛翔，令我不勝讚好。 (the birds in the air... I stand in awe)
誰造大海漫遍天空色彩播，(He who made the oceans and the rainbows in the skies)
耀眼發光星辰，問你可否知道？ (He who lit up the world... do you know who this is?)
誰造天空海闊，造了細小朝露， (He who made the universe, and the smallest drops of morning dew)
誰造美妙樂章，能讓我讚嘆創造好。(He who made beautiful music, moves me to praise that all creation is wonderful)
誰造麥子創出生機於土裏，
又會再生出來，令我真想知道。

When I heard this song during Sunday service today, I couldn't help but ask God... do you love this little one that's growing inside of me? You made all things on earth and you smiled, rejoiced and danced because you were pleased with your creation. Are you pleased with my child? Can you have mercy on my child? Can you heal the physical defects and wounds on my child, and put a smile on my child's face? Protect my child from the harshness of this world?

And during communion, we broke bread, which symbolizes Christ's body broken so that we may be healed, and we drank grape juice (in place of wine), which symbolizes Christ's blood poured out on the cross so that our sins are washed away. I asked God again, can you heal my child? Can you wash away our sin?

In this hurt and pain, I have momentarily lost sight of God.

I remembered the story of Ruth in the Bible as we wrapped up our Bible study on Friday. She has lost her husband to the famine, and little did she know, that when she faithfully followed Naomi, her mother in law, to a land foreign to her, when she followed the God Naomi followed, and made Naomi's people her people, that she would meet and marry Boaz, a righteous Godly man who loved her, and that God would enable her to conceive a son to carry her deceased husband's name through Boaz? And she didn't even know that through her, her family line bore King David, and ultimately Jesus. Then I couldn't help but praise God because he is truly the Alpha Omega, beginning and end. Ruth might have thought she was blessed already by the good things that happened during her lifetime, but she had no idea how really blessed she was... yet God saw it, ordained it, for generations to come.

I am reminded of how little I see, how little I am, and yet there is this great God who looks after me and my generations to come. All I need to do is trust and obey because this God indeed loves us, this God humbled Himself to be on earth as a human, suffered, and died on the cross for our Sin that separated us from Him. 

Then I remembered DY's sharing at fellowship on Friday, when he chose Dan Bremnes' song, Beautiful. DY mentioned that in our pain and potential loss, we didn't know how we should pray at times, but this song reminded him that God has everything good in store for us - we just don't see it yet. We need to seek God's heart, follow His will. That is how we should pray - for faith in God's love for us, for strength and peace that nothing on earth can give except from God Himself, to ask for His will to be done, to ask for healing... but ultimately to obey and accept whatever it is to come. Blessed to have my husband who is after God's own heart, who strives to love this family in God's love.

Lord I want everything
Everything You've got for me
I won't be satisfied until I find the center of Your heart 

Lord You know You've opened my eyes
Shown me things that I can't see on my own
You call me justified, free to find everything you are 

And You, changed me from what I used to be
Opened my eyes, now I can see
You're making this life so beautiful
So beautiful 

Lord I give You everything
Anything You want from me
Take my past and my future I, lay it at Your feet 

I'm after Your heart,
You've stolen mine
I give You my all ‘cause You gave up Your life
I'm not who I was, simply because
Oh, You set me free