Have you felt supported in this journey of grief and healing? Maybe it is a friend, family member or organisation that has been there for you. Share how they have helped you and let them know how grateful you are. Please feel welcome to post links if you would like to share about a charity or support group.
Daryl:
I can't thank Daryl enough for his support. As we learned of Charis' diagnosis, he didn't even have time to stop and grieve because he was so focused on making sure I was okay. He did more chores around the house without any grumbling, without making me feel guilty. He took time off to see my grief counsellor with me, or when I was feeling really down. He reminded me of God's love, grace, and purpose when I have lost sight of hope at times. He led our household with Christ's love. I can't imagine doing this without him.My parents: My parents prayed for Charis and my family, and it touches me that they remember Charis with me by visiting her every Sunday after church, and singing her a new hymn each time. I honestly don't dare to find out how often my mom and dad cried behind closed doors for me, for Daryl, and for Charis. Many people remember to ask the bereaved mothers how they are doing but tend to forget that the dads and grandparents are grieving too. They too have intense longing, they too may have regrets, they too may feel guilt, they too have lost the dreams they had for their grandchild.
My church fellowship: My fellowship has heard me talk about my struggles countless of times and watched my growth through this entire journey from the very beginning. When I couldn't support Daryl, they were his support. Our fellowship is really young, in terms of life stage, we are mostly working, only a few of us are married, and only one couple have kids other than me and Daryl. Although they may not understand how we are feeling, they showed us their love through actions. Almost every prayer meeting before fellowship they prayed for us. Every time I see the handmade rainbow baby mobile or the "Charis" picture frame they made, I think of how they acknowledged Charis' importantance, how they stood by us through our joy and pain.
My friends: My other friends supported me when they asked me how I was doing, because they genuinely wanted to know how I was really doing and were prepared listen, prepared for my tears, and prepared for anything that I would tell them.. Some friends who were only acquaintances approached me to let me know that they, too, have endured childloss and made themselves available to talk. Some also encouraged me to keep facing my grief. I think the most helpful thing that these friends did was to not expect me to get over my grief by now (because you can't possibly get over grief, ever. I'll leave that for another time), to not expect me to return to who I used to be but accept who I am today, "Cindy with Charis."
My work family: I am so blessed to work with some of the most empathetic people at work. Some knew the details of my pregnancy from the very beginning, while others learned of my situation around the time I went on sick EI or around the time of Charis' memorial. Throughout this time, my co-workers shared my worries, provided affirmation, and shed tears for me. As I returned to work, they supported me by reminding me that they haven't forgotten my loss, making sure I was okay whenever I tried to perform nursing tasks with infants, and taking on another infant assignment when I haven't able to do so yet. I wanted to recover faster to do more, but my colleagues and case manager reassured me to not rush through my recovery. They gave me my Charis heart-shaped necklace, which I wear and keep close to my heart everyday. I really can't ask for a better employer, a better work family. #pedsnurselove #lovesickkids
At the hospital, the social worker provided a list of support groups in the community. Honestly, I didn't find it suitable for me. Instead I found support from blogs of other bereaved parents, facebook support groups. Reading their stories made me feel like I wasn't alone, gave me hope that healing is possible, prepared me for certain awkward circumstances, and gave me moments of "I feel that way too."
Some blogs and Facebook groups that helped me were:
About Stillbirthdays
http://stillbirthday.com/about-stillbirthday/
Now I lay me down to sleep: non-profit organization that sends amazing, empathetic and professional volunteer photographers who are simply there to help you capture the precious short moments with your baby. You may not want to photograph your baby in your sadness right now, but many parents have never regretted having these photographs.
https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/
Lexi Berndt - Scribbles and crumbs: photographer and blogger who writes beautiful entries about her journey with childloss. Beautiful quotes and pictures that really just hit home. Also a community of bereaved parents on the facebook group
http://www.scribblesandcrumbs.com/ or her https://www.facebook.com/scribblesandcrumbs/
All that love can do: for parents who decide to carry on with pregnancy despite poor prognosis.
https://www.facebook.com/AllThatLoveCanDo/
Project Heal: community of bereaved parents gather, share stories and momentos done for their babies
https://www.facebook.com/CarlyMarieProjectHeal/
Perinatal Hospice
https://www.facebook.com/PerinatalHospice/
We are Stillmothers: community of mothers who do not have living children
https://www.facebook.com/wearestillmothers/
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