14. BELIEFS + SPIRITUALITY | Has the death of your child strengthened or changed your beliefs? Share as much or as little as you like. Please be respectful to the beliefs of others today. We are all in this together and our differences are what make this project so beautifully interesting. Choose kindness.
The death of Charis strengthened my beliefs. I think it is natural for people to ponder, "why did this happen to me," "I don't deserve this," "my child deserved to live," "heaven doesn't need another angel because I need her here," etc. I quickly stopped questioning God why it happened to me. I don't think I will ever get a complete answer here on Earth.Firstly, Jesus mentioned that there will be suffering in the world, but fear not, for He has conquered the world because Jesus, holy and unblemished, died and rose again to atone for our Sin thereby restoring our relationship with God.
Secondly, my Heavenly Father knows the sorrow that I have because in His case, He sent His son to die for us, who aren't deserving, who are rebellious, who are forgetful of His love, grace and faithfulness. So why then do I need to question God why He allowed me to experience conceiving Charis only to lose Charis?
Thirdly, I learned to see that Charis, her genetic disorder, her short life on Earth, everything was all that I deserved. I saw how it was a privilege for God to have entrusted her and her limited precious time to me and Daryl. Charis allowed us to learn what it means to love and protect her in a way we've never done before, to learn to love and support each other more despite our differences, to experience the love from those around us, and now to use our experience to comfort those who encounter similar losses.
I don't think I have lost her and I believe that she is just waiting for the day when I get to reunite with her in heaven and in God's embrace, for eternity. While I'm here on Earth, I'm simply struggling with the feelings of sadness stemming from her physical absence, my maternal instincts, etc.
In my sorrows and grief, I wrestled with God. I said to Him, "I know You don't give me more than what I can handle with Your power, but no more, no more... I know you want me to experience You, Your love, Your power, but I don't want to be so deeply hurt again. I can't handle it anymore." But God used my loss to experience Him so much more.
- He showed me that He is the same God in life and in death - so I learned to accept that Charis is in the safest, loving place right now, and I don't need to be afraid of death because God will be there with me.
- He showed me a glimpse of His Father heart for Jesus, His Father heart for us, and that he was willing to die for us.
- He reminded me that suffering happens. That's just how it is as a human being, living on earth, where there is sin, natural disasters, political unrest and violence, pollution, etc. But the most important thing is that God never forsakes me, His hand always guides me... He KNOWS.
- He constantly showed me His love, His faithfulness to those who follow Him and love Him. Just when I could barely hold on, He would sustain me immediately, always in my time of need. that my momentary loss is worth my eternal gain of His companionship, of Charis' companionship. I just needed to be patient.
When I started writing this blog a year and a half ago, I didn't know who it will reach. Recently, I heard from an old friend that she had just received a fatal diagnosis for her unborn baby when she first read my blog back in May. Reading my journey helped her feel less alone, helped her seek God's comfort as she carried her precious little fighter until he was born. Her baby is now with God and Charis. I suddenly felt so small in God's great plans for each and everyone of us. I didn't know how the blog could work, who it would reach, but God knew. God used my loss and the blog to bring comfort to others. Knowing this a year and half later, I am more encouraged than ever and more confident than ever in God's love, God's grace and God's sovereignty.
No comments:
Post a Comment